I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
