I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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