i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
