found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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