So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
