I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
