Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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