Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
