Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
