1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
