my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish I only lived at night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
