508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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