You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
