He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
