you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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