Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize