Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
