She is in my trunk
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
