3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I met the friendliest cop last night
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
