just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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