dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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