dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
