wrigley field is MILF paradise
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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