We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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