What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
