don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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