was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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