When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
