I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
