he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
