Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
