Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You were trust falling into bushes
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
