Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
