so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dear god my vagina.
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