just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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