Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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