I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
