It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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