i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
