I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
