Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We got so high we made milksteak
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
