You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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