nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
