I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
