Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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