Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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