ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
