Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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