Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
