Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize