I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
