do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
