Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
