Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
