I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
