She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
