i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
