You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
