i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize