I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
