It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
