When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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