this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
