yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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