I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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