It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
