I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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